The desire to maintain a consistent approach to our life is a powerful driver of personal actions. Once we take a decision, we will put in place all kinds of strategies to make that choice work for us rather than appear inconsistent to others.
This desire to maintain a consistent approach starts early in life, think about the negative ways we have of talking about people who do not adopt this consistency. We describe people as "a bit flaky", "a day dreamer", "a drifter" we might say "I wish he'd just make his mind up!”.
A consistent approach gives us a sense of certainty in an uncertain world.
So how could we use this desire to be consistent to our advantage?
Well let's think about two things that lots of people would like to change about themselves; losing weight and becoming a non-smoker. Writing your goal down is the first thing to be done, that will generate the desire for internal consistency. But then, use the power of your relationships with others to hold yourself to the goal.
Get some blank business cards and on each one right down something similar to "I promise by the end of 2010 I will weigh xx pounds / xx kilograms".
Or if you are a smoker and would like to be a non-smoker write down "As of 30th March 2010 I have committed to being a non-smoker and staying a non-smoker for the rest of my life."
Now give these cards to people you know, trust and respect and who respect you. That might be your spouse, your parent, your child a trusted work colleague or a good friend.
Your internal need to be consistent to those around you will keep you on your chosen path. The loss of face and personal shame that would result in backsliding on the commitment will drive you towards your chosen goal.
Will it be easier? Probably not.
Will you be more likely to achieve that goal? Almost certainly.
Is it time to nip down to the office supply store for your blank business cards?
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Saturday 27 March 2010
Smokers, excuses and waiting and waiting and waiting
Why do smokers do it?
Why do they make the phone call to a hypnotherapist and say “You’re my last hope”, no pressure then…
Often a long phone call follows as they satisfy themselves that you do know what the hell you’re talking about and a booking is made for some mutually suitable date in the diary.
Then, as in a recent case with me, the following happens:
1) You get ready with your kit for the session, in my case, books, CDs and similar
2) You arrive at the clinic in good time and prepare the room (I work from a health centre)
3) You’re ready but you check your notes that were taken on the phone and…
4) You wait
5) And you wait
6) And you decide to call the client
“Hi xxx” I say “did you remember that we have a quit smoking session booked for today?”
Client: “Oh yea”
Me: “Is there a problem, do you need directions? (It’s a call to a mobile)
Client: “Uh no, I wont be coming, I’m just back from hospital” (Blatant grasp for sympathy)
Me:”Oh, dear, what’s happened?” (I’m going for concern but my excuseometer detector is off the dial)
Client “It’s me boy in’it. He’s got bronchitis, had an attack and we had to take him in” (It’s not my fault I’m not there and you can’t argue with this one mate)
Me: “Right…so you won’t be in today. Would you like to rebook for next week” (I know she is never going to re-book)
Client: “Yea, yea, I’ll give you a call next week”
Me: “OK bye”
If what she said was true has she ever considered just why her boy might have bronchitis? Could smoking in the home and car have something to do with it?
Some people are just so challenged by making a change that staying in the same place is the only option they feel they have. Of course it’s not always great being where they are but still the thought of change scares them so much they are paralysed by inaction and go back to watching the master hypnotist in the corner of the room. (The TV)
This clinic scene has been played out enough times now that I’m bored with it. It costs me time and money and the ‘would be’ client is still puffing away like there is no tomorrow; which for them may be true.
So recognising that you can lead the client to change but you can make them do it, I have changed.
I did think about not doing quit smoking work any more but in the end came up with the idea of getting folks to pay fully in advance. It builds motivation in the client and it means that I’m not out of pocket if they don’t show.
Does that sound harsh? Perhaps, but for me to continue doing this work, first of all, I as a therapist have to survive. Having other people waste my time and money makes that all the more difficult.
By the way any smokers that do actually want to stop and stay stopped can contact me. The cost for the work is £195 for a two session package. If you want to book, expect to get your credit or debit card out whilst on the phone……….you know why.
Why do they make the phone call to a hypnotherapist and say “You’re my last hope”, no pressure then…
Often a long phone call follows as they satisfy themselves that you do know what the hell you’re talking about and a booking is made for some mutually suitable date in the diary.
Then, as in a recent case with me, the following happens:
1) You get ready with your kit for the session, in my case, books, CDs and similar
2) You arrive at the clinic in good time and prepare the room (I work from a health centre)
3) You’re ready but you check your notes that were taken on the phone and…
4) You wait
5) And you wait
6) And you decide to call the client
“Hi xxx” I say “did you remember that we have a quit smoking session booked for today?”
Client: “Oh yea”
Me: “Is there a problem, do you need directions? (It’s a call to a mobile)
Client: “Uh no, I wont be coming, I’m just back from hospital” (Blatant grasp for sympathy)
Me:”Oh, dear, what’s happened?” (I’m going for concern but my excuseometer detector is off the dial)
Client “It’s me boy in’it. He’s got bronchitis, had an attack and we had to take him in” (It’s not my fault I’m not there and you can’t argue with this one mate)
Me: “Right…so you won’t be in today. Would you like to rebook for next week” (I know she is never going to re-book)
Client: “Yea, yea, I’ll give you a call next week”
Me: “OK bye”
If what she said was true has she ever considered just why her boy might have bronchitis? Could smoking in the home and car have something to do with it?
Some people are just so challenged by making a change that staying in the same place is the only option they feel they have. Of course it’s not always great being where they are but still the thought of change scares them so much they are paralysed by inaction and go back to watching the master hypnotist in the corner of the room. (The TV)
This clinic scene has been played out enough times now that I’m bored with it. It costs me time and money and the ‘would be’ client is still puffing away like there is no tomorrow; which for them may be true.
So recognising that you can lead the client to change but you can make them do it, I have changed.
I did think about not doing quit smoking work any more but in the end came up with the idea of getting folks to pay fully in advance. It builds motivation in the client and it means that I’m not out of pocket if they don’t show.
Does that sound harsh? Perhaps, but for me to continue doing this work, first of all, I as a therapist have to survive. Having other people waste my time and money makes that all the more difficult.
By the way any smokers that do actually want to stop and stay stopped can contact me. The cost for the work is £195 for a two session package. If you want to book, expect to get your credit or debit card out whilst on the phone……….you know why.
Monday 8 March 2010
Simplify, simplify simplify
My old boss (now dead sadly) was a right bugger to work for. His attention to details clashed with my rather more relaxed approach. There were often fireworks, his attention to details sometimes seemed obsessive and he still managed to get things wrong.
But I did learn a lot from him, most of it good.
He wrote software code in the C language. As any software people out there will know, it is possible to write messy and complex C. This style of code is frequently filled with hard to track down bugs.
His mantra was; simplify, simplify, simplify. Use simple constructs, think about what you want and test as you go.
It worked for his software and I think it can work more generally in life too. So now I am on a mission to simplify the complexities of my own life. I aim to streamline what I do and how I do it.
The aim is to be both more creative and more productive; with the level of complication that we have in life today it's almost a miracle that anything gets achieved.
This is likely to be a task that is ironically far from simple. I expect it to be a process that happens over a year or more but I'll highlight the more interesting bits on this very blog.
How much more more creative and productive could you be if you simplified your life?
But I did learn a lot from him, most of it good.
He wrote software code in the C language. As any software people out there will know, it is possible to write messy and complex C. This style of code is frequently filled with hard to track down bugs.
His mantra was; simplify, simplify, simplify. Use simple constructs, think about what you want and test as you go.
It worked for his software and I think it can work more generally in life too. So now I am on a mission to simplify the complexities of my own life. I aim to streamline what I do and how I do it.
The aim is to be both more creative and more productive; with the level of complication that we have in life today it's almost a miracle that anything gets achieved.
This is likely to be a task that is ironically far from simple. I expect it to be a process that happens over a year or more but I'll highlight the more interesting bits on this very blog.
How much more more creative and productive could you be if you simplified your life?
Tuesday 2 March 2010
Busy life working what about play?
A busy time in my family life means that posting here has been rather reduced. However whilst contemplating how things were last night I realised that the modern notion of "work/life balance" was completely wrong.
If you enjoy working it's not the negative that it is often supposed to be. So my perspective is that we should have a better work/play balance.
In that equation I'm doing too much working and not enough playing. How about you?
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