Why complaining is good

The Australians call us (the British)  whinging Poms and perhaps they have a point. You'll hear plenty of people moaning about almost any topic you care to mention, on any day of the week.

However, I'd like you to consider that complaining and whinging may be a good thing......if you follow through and do it the right way. This is not a "how to" piece on getting the best from your local store when you go and complain about some shoddy goods, no, it's a bit deeper than that.

If you can complain about something, anything, then it means that you you are in some way comparing the position you find yourself in with some other better version.

Let me explain, you don't complain about gravity, gravity just is. Your pen rolling off the desk and dropping on the floor may be annoying, but you still don't complain about gravity. In fact, at the weekend you choose to play with gravity, when you play golf or football. You use it just as it is, there is no point complaining about it, as there is no gravity free alternative.

Contrast this with a golf ball that splits the first time you hit it. You paid good money for the ball and yet it seems that it must be defective to split after being hit just the one time. You probably have a model in mind of how many golf games or holes a ball should be good for and when you compare that with what you have, you complain.

The essence of the complaint, is the difference between your expectation of the product or service and what actually is delivered. But knowing what that difference is gives us the ability to look at ways of bridging the gap.

We can look at better plastics to cover the golf ball, we can suggest to the product manufacturer, ways in which their product can be improved. Knowing that there is a difference between our expectations and our current outcome provides the clues that can drive positive change.

So as you moan or complain today, reflect on how that difference could be bridged and then set about doing it.

Interesting stories in the press

I thought you might find these pieces interesting:


Could the right to die become seen as an obligation to die?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthadvice/jameslefanu/8582032/James-LeFanu-Doctors-diary.html



Formaldehyde now officially listed as cancer-causing chemical - what should you avoid?

http://www.naturalnews.com/032765_formaldehyde_carcinogenic.html

Hypnosis can help with breast and thyroid surgery
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/744526

I'm entitled, You Should, I demand, It's not fair

I wonder what happened. I wonder how it happened. When did people begin to decide that the Government / Council / Power that be / had ultimate responsibility for their life?

What do I mean?

It seems that many people now expect that the 'Government' should become a kind of surrogate parent providing all that is required for a full and fulfilling life. Money, housing, opportunity even food, clothing and happines; all should be entitled as a right to have these things and if a person can't get them for themselves, the Government should provide.

Yet, these people (and I meet many), consider themselves to be adult, consider that they are in charge of their life, consider that intrusion into how they live their life is unwarranted.

So to an outside viewer they might appear to be more like a petulant teenager than an adult accepting responsibility for their own actions. They ask for lots, give little and accept little responsibility for the outcome of their actions. This sounds more like a 14 year child testing the boundries of childish demands with the desires of a young adult.

Transactional Analysis provides a useful model for this. If one person adopts the child like postion of being demanding, needing constant attention and not able to or unwilling to accept responsibility, the other party in the relationship is almost forced into the position of being the parental provider. (An alternative would have an adult to adult discussion about who can provide help in times of difficulty and who has responsibility for what.)

You can find lots more about Eric Bearne (who first came up with this idea) and Transactional Analysis here: http://www.ericberne.com/transactional_analysis_description.htm

So here is your thought for the day; are you or someone you know demanding that others provide? Are you or someone you know not taking responsibility for what happens in life?

If that is the case, you or they have given someone else (or some organisation) a veto over your happiness and wellbeing. If that organisation is a council or Government what do you suppose is the likelihood of them caring about you deeply enough to consider your happiness. Hint, it's close to zero.

So this morning, today, I urge you to take the controls of your life. To take responsibility for your actions, to become the adult in the transactional analysis diagram, to decide that no one will have a veto on your potential for happiness.

It will not be easy, you will slip and fall but the great advantage is that when you take back control and responsibility for your life, you will find the ability and resources that you need. That may be charity, friendship, courage, drive or determination but the pay-off is HUGE.

Will you do it?

McDonalds & The Cloud WiFi access

An interesting response when I went to take a look at David Icke's web site using the WiFi at a McDonalds in Derby.

Access Denied (content_filter_denied)
Your request was denied because of its content categorization: "Alternative Spirituality/Belief;Newsgroups/Forums"
For assistance, contact your network support team.

It seems that an alternative view of life is so dangerous that it must be blocked.
Interesting.

Hypnosis can aid surgery & speed recovery

James Braid, surgeon
 and hypnotist

Of course hypnosis has been used as a surgical aid since the mid 19th century and was pioneered by people like the Scots surgeon James Braid. The advent of modern anaesthetics generally put a stop to most hypnosis in a surgical setting, anaesthesia was generally much faster to deliver than hypnosis. Another famous Scot who used mesmerism (after Anton Mesmer) was James Esdaile. He was a surgeon working in India and used  hypnosis to provide pain relief (analgesia) for his Indian patients. Esdaile encountered many problems when attempting to use his techniques on the European patients though; prejudice meant many felt the technique was only suitable for the lower Indian orders.


Choloroform for most patients provided the next step forward in pain control and hypnosis was for the most part pushed to the margins. However every few years a news story arises as it does today of hypnosis being used successfully in a surgical setting. The Daily Mail today has a story about surgeons in Belgium using the technique in thyroid and breast cancer operations to good effect. The complete story is here.


I think Braid would be pleased that his work still had value 150 years after his death.

I listened to a hypnosis CD today

I listened to a hypnosis CD today (not one of mine) to relax and recharge the batteries.

Apparently the relaxation side went a bit far, my relaxed state was disturbed by a snorey snort.  It was me...

Oh dear.

Some picture to brighten your day

Some close up pictures taken over the weekend for no better reason than they look good.

Chive Flower

Another Chive Flower

Parsley

Mint

Tricky words - part 2

Can you remember back as far as your early school days? Can you recall a teacher telling you to 'try' and form that letter or do that sum. This blog post is about that tricky word 'try'.

Allow me to create a scene for you; it's a work environment, an office that could be almost anywhere. There are bosses and supervisors a hierarchy common to companies all over the world.

In this scenario a supervisor walks up to Bill, a long time serving office worker and says "Bill I'd look you to do the consolidated shipping report this week."

Bill knows that this is the job everyone in the office hates. The consolidated shipping reported is pulled from multiple paper systems, it is prone to errors and never easy to do. Bill is now wary of what's coming next.

The Supervisor says "Bill, I have great faith in your skills and I'd like you to have that report completed by 9am tomorrow".

Bill thinks "Great! A compliment about my skills followed by an impossible deadline. Just great!"

But what Bill says is something different "Harry, you know that report is a nightmare to prepare. " Bill is setting up the 'try' defence he will use tomorrow when the report is not done. Bill continues "I'll TRY and get it done by 9am."

Harry the Supervisor is satisfied that he has given charge of the task to Bill.

The truth is at this point Bill has no intention of getting the report done by 9am and has already provided a reason ("nightmare to prepare") why it won't be done.

Sure enough the following day when Harry the Supervisor goes to Bill at 9am expecting the report to be finished, Bill is only half way through.

Harry is unhappy about the lack of progress but he has to deal with Bill's response "Hey, I said I'd TRY and get it done. Not that I would guarantee it!"

That type of situation gets played out in offices across the world every day.There are several dynamics in there but the part I would like to focus on is the word TRY.

Try carries with it an implicit notion of failure. If I say I'll TRY to do something then there is a good probability that I won't do it. When we use the try, it frequently  implies that the task WILL fail.

Can you see how poor a word choice this is in a teaching context.

Can you begin to understand that in the context of the pep talks that you give yourself, the word try sets you up for a failure every single time.

So with that in mind the next time you feel tempted to use the word try, substitute a different word or phrase.

Some alternatives:
I will do that!
I won't do that!
I'll do it but I'm not sure how well it will turn out
I'll do it but I'll need an extra day(s) to get it to you

Stop trying simply do or don't do  In the words of Yoda from Star Wars "Do or do not there is no try"

Another book for your collection if you are getting into Hypnotherapy

This book is called The Art Of Hypnotherapy by C.Roy Hunter.

It's full of practical therapy examples rather than being a manual on how to hypnotise.

It covers techniques like parts therapy and the use of regression. There is a whole chapter on motivation mapping that can potentially provide a framework for the therapy.

Well worth having on a hypnotherapist's book shelf.
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Flowers at Dillington

I saw these flowers in the early morning sunshine at Dillington House, Ilminster, Somerset and thought they deserved a picture.


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Looking after the kids

This swan is walking her cygnets back to the river in the town centre of Marlborough.

She was not allowing anyone to get in their way! Picture taken 6th June 2011.
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Dangerous words-Part 1-Should

My clients often come to me unaware of the words they use that constrain their thoughts and so their actions.

A quick example; how often have you said to yourself "I should do this" or "I should stop doing that"?
If you are like many people I meet, you say something like this quite often.

But that "should" often implies two things
1) I should do it but I'm not going to. (Or I can't)
2) I should do it according to whom?

In the first example a should often indicates that we believe it would be useful to do something but we resist (for whatever reason) and that sets up an internal conflict where neither position is resolved.

In the second example it can be useful to ask "I should according to whose rules?"

Often when a person uses 'should', their actions are being driven by an outside influence, a previous teaching or a moral standard. This may be something we picked up as children and had drilled into us or it may be something that we collected on our journey through adulthood. Do those things still apply today?

So if today you find yourself saying "should", just stop. Ask yourself "I should according to whose rules?". If you don't value that person or organisation why should you?

Secondly, it is much more useful to decide to do something or not do something rather than saying I should do it.

Think about the situation where you used the word should and decide whether you will or won't do the thing. It's ok to decide that you'll do it, but you don't know how. Or to say I'll do it when "this happens"; then get on  with the rest of the day.

Should is a slippery little word and when you begin to look at how you use it, you may just begin to see that it indicates areas of your life where other people or social expectations conflict with your own values.

When you avoid the word, should, you'll avoid those inner conflicts.

By the way, if you find yourself saying "you should" to someone else, ask yourself why should they? Why should they run your agenda or follow your ideas. That should word can be a bit of a bully. Watch out for it.

Regrets of the dying-what they would have done differently and what you can do now

We grow like flowers but are cut down by age

Life is short. Often we have no idea how short.

Few of us can know when our time is up and so it might make sense to ask those who know they are near death to reflect on the decisions they made, or did not make in life.

An entry on the blog site Inspiration and Chai is valuable in its clarity and simplicity.

In essence it says work less, value friends, be happy, speak your mind, do what you want, not what others expect and express your feelings more.

Nothing unexpected or unusual then but perhaps because we think we know these things we feel free to ignore them; rather as if they belong to someone else.

It's a good read to begin your day with. Take a look and then think about what you do. I've already started thinking about my own life.

Rotten Nasty Cold

I have a rotten nasty cold. My voice sounds as if I have recently gargled with razor blades.

In short if you are after hypnotherapy in the next couple of days you'd be best to visit here www.gift4life.com.

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