Change the direction of your thinking for better results

Sometimes I need to flow chart a process. I usually use a piece of Microsoft software called Visio. It allows you to drag and drop decision boxes and process steps, connect them with dynamic arrow style connectors and you finish up with a nice flow chart. Start at the top of the page and work your way down, boxes, loops, decisions, connectors; job done.

But not yesterday.

I started a flow chart three times following the pattern, each time I struggled to get the logic right. The chart seemed over complex and just plain looked wrong. Frustration was the outcome.

I sat down again with pen and paper and instead of working from top to bottom of the page, I turned the paper landscape style and worked left to right. Aha! It works! Within 10 minutes I had simplified and refined the chart. I then used this as the model for a computer generated one.

And I began to wonder why it had been so much easier to work from left to right rather than from top to bottom.

In flow chart terms the direction made no difference but it really was so much easier that I wondered why this might be.

Perhaps it is because we read from left to right but I wonder if our notion of a timeline has something to do with this too. Timeline is an NLP term and it can be used therapeutically to shift difficult problems or gain a different perspective on them.

Try an experiment with me. Close your eyes and imagine or remember a happy scene from some time in your far past. Still with your eyes closed point to that event in space where you imagine it to be. Is is to your left or right? Is it in front of you or behind you? Is it above or below your eyeline?

Remember that place. Now think about an event that will be in your future. It could be your retirement, Christmas or something else of significance. Point to where that event is in space just like before.

Now compare those two locations; many people will have an imaginary timeline between those two events that runs from left to right ie the older event to your left, the newer to your right. Relatively fewer people will have the timeline running from right to left and fewer yet (in my experience) will have the past event behind them and the future event directly ahead of them.

My time line runs left to right, so in a process it would be natural for me to think, left to right. Perhaps this explains why it was so much easier for me to get some clarity on my flowchart when I literally changed the direction of my thinking.

Try it and see if it can help you too.

A dying fathers rules for a life of fulfilment

You'll find the full article here and it is a tragedy, one that is so common that we almost forget about how tragic it is.

A father is diagnosed with cancer and then spends the last few weeks of his life putting his affairs in order and giving his family the benefit of all he has learnt and wants to pass on to his children.

After his death his wife found a document on his laptop called Rules for finding fulfilment.

Here are his rules.

Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.


Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own. Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.


Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.


Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.


Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.


Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.


Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.


Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.
Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.


Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.


Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.


Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire. Compromise can be king.


Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.


Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to ...which is why I have chosen them carefully.


Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.


Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.


Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.


Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.


Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages. When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.


Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.


Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.


Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give you one, devise your own.


Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.


Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.


Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.


Look after your body and it will look after you.


Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!


And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.
I love you both with all my heart.
Daddy x


I think there is something here that everyone take take positive guidance from. I know I have.

With all the bad news, it's easy to forget...

With all the bad news around at the moment from phone hacking, to the collapse of the Euro, from rising fuel bills to falling wages it's easy to forget the good things that are happening.

Remind yourself that the sun WILL rise tomorrow, that even  now apples are ripening in orchards, that babies are being born who are untainted by the troubles of the world.

Remember that the sun will shine and the rail will fall regardless of what happens to stock markets or pension plans and even in the depths of the longest and deepest economic depression for 60 years, people are still donating time, money and goods to charities.

It's easy to fall into a melancholic slump from time to time. it happens to me too, but when you get away from the man-made problems you can see there are so many good things that happen too.

Take a moment to today to find just one thing to enjoy and be thankful for. Honestly, it will help you feel better about the negatives and help you put them in their place.

A phobia is not always a phobia

When a little girl developed a phobia of going to the playground her mum was obviously concerned.

But the crying and the fear was not a phobia at all; it was an undiagnosed brain tumour. This was only realised when the little girl Poppy started bumping into doorways and falling over.

This is as much a lesson for therapists as anyone else. Are you really working on the root cause of a client's issue or could there be a medical angle that somehow got missed?

Read the full story on the Daily Mail web site here.

There are times when I need to remind myself...

I can't change everything.

I believe in personal empowerment and getting involved, but there are times when I need to remind myself that that there are some things I cannot impact in a meaningful way and I should let go.

I say should, because the letting go is not always easy.

This morning as I looked at the web sites around the world that help me know what the news is, I learnt that once again the UK (with France and the USA) has bombed Libya.

The NATO force has flown around 10,000 sorties with about 6000 of these being bombing missions. Over 1100 civilians, men, women and children have been killed by NATO and yet supposedly this adventure is to save the people of Libya from a tyrant.

Now we learn that another four aircraft will be brought into the battle.

A non-aggression pact has been ripped up by Italy and as a consequence a gas pipeline from Libya to Italy will not be pumping gas needed by industry and householders in Italy.

Barely  more than one year ago, Libyan Government services were being trained by British specialists. Britain sold arms and ammunition to Libya following Tony Blair's meeting with Ghaddafi in the desert, how things change.

As much as I support British forces, I can't support what is going on and worse yet, the taxes that I pay make me partly responsible for the carnage.

I have no way to change this situation.

All I can do is make my feelings known and let go. That letting go is not easy when we as a nation seem to have got this situation so badly wrong.

This will lift the spirit

Love this! Even though my wife says it tastes of old lady bath water. (How on earth would she know?)
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

It's nice to get a new client by referall

Sometimes, out of the blue I'll get a phone call from someone who has been referred to me by a former client. It always feels nice when this happens, a confirmation that one's work has had lasting value.

In this case a young man in his teens is having some difficulties in adjusting to becoming a young adult. Whilst his parents are having some trouble adjusting to the fact that they now have a young man in the house, not just a boy.

Cue, confrontation!

But this is a natural situation. Perhaps if I say it like this it will become clearer; the old lion has been undisputed king of the pride for a very long time. His lioness has had cubs, one boy one girl, who loved to play in the protective shadow of the lion.

Male Lion - waiting for the challenge

But as the lion cubs grow, they must start to take on new roles and the boy lion must begin to ready himself for the life beyond the family pride. So he'll start to test the authority of the old lion and of course he must be put back in his place (at least for a while) until he is ready to form his own pride or at least start looking to do so.

You cannot have two dominant male lions in a pride. You cannot have two dominant men in a home, one has to go. In our culture, as with the lions, it is the younger lion that must go and make his own way.

When we see a nature documentary about this on the television it is so clear and obvious what is happening but often people are slower to recognise these changes that are simply part of growing up.

When you begin to understand the process it makes it much easier to deal with. The confrontation is likely to be temporary although temporary might still mean 2, 3 or even 4 years of friction.

It will pass and in most cases (but not all) be replaced with something nearer to adult friendship.

Of course you may still have a young male lion rampaging in the home; it's always going to be a challenge!

A quick thought

Why are people scared of hypnosis?

Because they know it works and are scared of what the hypnotist/hypnotherapist might do to them.

So doesn't it make most sense to check out the hypno person first? Most of us are happy to talk on the phone or face to face before working together.

Just a thought.

Quit smoking with Champix or hypnosis

The quit smoking drug Champix (known as Chantix in the USA) is again in the news after studies indicate that it can actually increase the risk of heart problems when compared to patients who took a dummy pill.

According to the Daily Mail "Champix, which is also known as varenicline, has previously been linked to psychiatric problems, including 37 suicides in the UK and hundreds of cases of suicidal thoughts."

I have seen both positive and negative results from people who have used Champix to stop smoking. It seems to be one way in which smokers who prefer not to take a hypnosis type approach can make the change. It's just that before one takes the drug there seems to be no way to predict what the side effects might be.

Stopping smoking with hypnosis is still the most effective way to become a non-smoker. I believe that I achieve 70-80 % success rates using my 2 sessions, of 2 hours, 1 weeks apart approach.

The drug option can seem like the easy way to make the change; no effort, no time taken, just a pill to swallow.  But I honestly believe that becoming a non-smoker is worth putting time effort and money into.

By the way, if you do want to use my services, then the charge is £195 and about four hours of your time. It's worth though, you'll probably gain 14 years of a extra healthy life. What's that worth to you?

Sometimes your environment is the best (or worst) medicine

I was out early this morning and had to be in Lyme Regis, which is a small town on the Dorset coast. (Its famous Cobb harbour wall was the setting for a scene in the film The French Lieutenant's Woman )

This morning the tide was in, the sea was as calm as a lake, the sun was shining but still low in the sky and the place looked wonderful.

I only had time to take a couple of pictures and they are hardly of National Geographic quality but I thought you might like to see them.

This scene lifted my heart for a while and perhaps it can do the same for you. Nature truly can be a wonderful medicine.