Knowing what to do is not the same as taking action

Many people want to change an aspect of their live. I meet people who want to be thinner, fitter, less anxious, more confident and they have one thing in common. They got to a point in their life where things were so bad for them that they felt compelled to action.

For some people though taking action seems to be the last thing on their mind. They'll complain about how they feel or look or moan about the situation in which they find themself but then do nothing to change it.

Why?
Why should this be so? Surely if you can complain about a situation, you at least have a mental model of how things could be better. It's only when comparing two different situations that we can know that we are currently in the 'worse' one.

So if we are able to complain about something then we know that there is a better way to be. So why wouldn't that person simply change things and make them better.

They may have tried before and failed
They may feel that any change could make things worse

Or they may actually enjoy the attention they get because of their poor situation.

It's sometimes called 'Poor Me syndrome' or more often these days, Secondary Gain.

A Secondary Gain helps to explain how a person can stay stuck in a terrible relationship or an awful job for years on end. However bad the situation is, that person is actually getting some positive outcome from staying in that place. They are taking benefit from Secondary Gain.

So now the question is, is that person ready to take action to change things or are they still milking that Secondary Gain?

When a person knows that change is possible and chooses not to make the change it's always worth checking to see if there a secondary gain involved.