Sometimes I forget to count my blessings

Life is difficult, bloody difficult and then I read...

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.

 That's Kurt Vonnegut for you, straight in there with something to rattle your cage of preconceptions.

Kurt Vonnegut

So I sometimes forget to count my blessings; like this morning for example. I was the fraught, stressed grumpy man. Then three of my blessings went to stay overnight with their Nanny and Granddad. Now I miss them like crazy.

As Kurt has said;

Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

Count your blessings.

I'm entitled, You Should, I demand, It's not fair

I wonder what happened. I wonder how it happened. When did people begin to decide that the Government / Council / Power that be / had ultimate responsibility for their life?

What do I mean?

It seems that many people now expect that the 'Government' should become a kind of surrogate parent providing all that is required for a full and fulfilling life. Money, housing, opportunity even food, clothing and happines; all should be entitled as a right to have these things and if a person can't get them for themselves, the Government should provide.

Yet, these people (and I meet many), consider themselves to be adult, consider that they are in charge of their life, consider that intrusion into how they live their life is unwarranted.

So to an outside viewer they might appear to be more like a petulant teenager than an adult accepting responsibility for their own actions. They ask for lots, give little and accept little responsibility for the outcome of their actions. This sounds more like a 14 year child testing the boundries of childish demands with the desires of a young adult.

Transactional Analysis provides a useful model for this. If one person adopts the child like postion of being demanding, needing constant attention and not able to or unwilling to accept responsibility, the other party in the relationship is almost forced into the position of being the parental provider. (An alternative would have an adult to adult discussion about who can provide help in times of difficulty and who has responsibility for what.)

You can find lots more about Eric Bearne (who first came up with this idea) and Transactional Analysis here: http://www.ericberne.com/transactional_analysis_description.htm

So here is your thought for the day; are you or someone you know demanding that others provide? Are you or someone you know not taking responsibility for what happens in life?

If that is the case, you or they have given someone else (or some organisation) a veto over your happiness and wellbeing. If that organisation is a council or Government what do you suppose is the likelihood of them caring about you deeply enough to consider your happiness. Hint, it's close to zero.

So this morning, today, I urge you to take the controls of your life. To take responsibility for your actions, to become the adult in the transactional analysis diagram, to decide that no one will have a veto on your potential for happiness.

It will not be easy, you will slip and fall but the great advantage is that when you take back control and responsibility for your life, you will find the ability and resources that you need. That may be charity, friendship, courage, drive or determination but the pay-off is HUGE.

Will you do it?

How to amuse your 4 year old son at 6am

Fold him a paper boat, thank goodness for YouTube

Are we pushing too hard?

In recent times more children than ever before are being directed to my practice door. Normally the isssue is some form of anxiety and I can't help wondering if today we simply push children too hard.

Continuous testing for exams, peer pressure to conform as well as the expectations of parents all seem to come together to form a toxic blend that generates this anxiety.

It's unlikely that anyone of us will have the capability to change the way that our society is pushing children but we can give them a coping stategy.

I have found that for children of 9 to 14 years, teaching the child a simplified form of Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Technique can be incredibly helpful. It provides a way to reduce fear and anxiety very quickly and easily at the point where the anxiety is experienced, for example as the child is about to sit an exam.

Or, just perhaps, we parents should learn to be more relaxed and less pushy with our children, it would certainly help.

Follow this link for much information direct from the EFT website. Why not give it a try, the resources are free.