Warriors, Settlers & Nomads & Parent Adult Child

There are a ton of personality models out there to choose from but I often find that one of the simpler ones, Warriors, Settlers and Nomads from Terence Watts to be very useful.

Watts puts forward the idea that there are three basic personality types that derive from our inherited DNA. (These may or may not relate to our parents' personality typing).

Warriors are the go- getters. Action driven , focussed and determined to achieve goals. Want respect more than love. Analytical rather than feeling, controlled and controlling choosing somber colours (blacks/brown) for clothes.

Nomads are the drifters, they love change, colour, feelings and need to be the centre of attention. They hate being controlled by people, situations, schedules or events. They are "people people" often with a passion for the arts or performance.

Settlers are those who occupy the middle ground. Solid dependable folk who get on with life. They like to please others and value home life, friends, stable work patterns and family.

Of course we are all a blend of these personality types but imagine for a moment what might happen if two warrior types fall in love and form a long term relationship; you can expect fireworks!

If a Nomad and a Warrior get together, the drifting ways of the Nomad may exasperate the Warrior while the controlling tendencies of the Warrior may make the Nomad want to run away.

Of course these are massive generalisations and yet I have found the hypothesis a very useful one to make use of in therapeutic work.

In that work, I often find I am dealing with not just the personal difficulties of one individual but also the interaction with that person's partner or parent or child.

Since I do not generally engage in relationship counselling or couple work, I wanted a simple way to explore that dynamic and have found the combination of the Warrior Settler Nomad personality typing coupled with elements of Transactional analysis Parent - Adult - Child states to be very useful.

I am still exploring the areas where this is most useful but I thought some others might find this a useful combination to explore.

A nasty bug...

A nasty bug has me in its grasp. I have a cold and as a consequence my voice has dropped in pitch. I sound like a bad Barry White impersonator. It also makes speaking difficult and a bit painful.

Today I will be mostly silent in an effort to recover the voice, although this would be a perfect time to record a couple of hypnosis audios if I had time booked in the studio.

Actvity at a new low in hung Parliament twilight zone

It has been a strange nether world we seem to have occupied since the General Election polling stations opened on Thursday morning.

Commercial activity seems to have slowed right down, the stats on my own web sites (I have several and monitor others) are all universally down; I'll guess that those for the web sites of Sky News and the BBC are up a good deal.

This period of transition from one Government to the next has a strange unreality about it that seems to have affected nearly all of us.

It's worth remembering though that the events in the world keep moving on. We are still fighting a war in Afghanistan, still paying credit card bills and government taxes even whilst those who would lead the country decide who should be Prime Minister.

Outside of the Westminster world, the people who come to see me in person are still getting rid of unwanted habits, letting go of fears and phobias and releasing anxiety.

For all of us, whoever says they are in charge, real life goes on.

Faith, short cuts & authority

We all need short cuts to understanding because it is simply not possible to know everything. I read on the internet yesterday (and therefore it must be true) that the sum total of human knowledge is doubling every 15 years. Even if this is radically inaccurate it is clear that one can not be an expert on everything.

For that reason we all need short-cuts, rules of thumb to run our life by. Without these short-cuts we would be lost in a sea of detail that one lifetime is too short to comprehend.

Where do we get short cuts from? Those who have or seem to have authority. Authority we confer on them by believing what they say. Is belief another way of saying faith?

Sometimes, especially when we first meet that authority, we will test it against what we already know. If it measure up and agrees with our principles of how the world works then we will go on to be more accepting of what the 'authority' says. We have faith until we perceive a gross deviation from our world model. That deviation may be found by scientific test or by personal deductive thought. Perhaps at that point we may say that we have more faith in our self than in the authority of others.

Is this a form of enlightenment?

How to read faces event in Taunton 28th April

This is not one of my events but I plan to be attending.

Where/When?

Taunton Library Meeting Room. Wed 28th April 7.30pm - 10pm Entrance £5
Taunton Library, Paul Street
Taunton TA1 3XZ

0845 345 9177

Seating for up to 70 people only. Get there early

Who will be interested?

Business owner, Managers, therapists, counsellors, Law Enforcement, Sales People in fact almost any one who works with other people!

How to read faces by Naomi Tickle. http://www.naomitickle.com/

This should be an interesting evening for anyone who wants to learn about the personality of others.

Naomi has developed an idea she call personology which is about being able to read the personality of an individual by looking at their face.


It is based on work done by a US trial judge.

From a Judge's Courtroom -- A Modern Version

It was created by Judge Edward Vincent Jones. After watching thousands people in his courtroom for many years, he found he could reliably predict their personality, behaviour and innate abilities from their facial features. These were not expressions and gestures but basic hereditary structures and shapes. He was so fascinated by this knowledge that he maintained detailed records. From this mass of knowledge he realized he had documented a new science.

Now I ought to say that I am somewhat sceptical of the technique but I'm sure it will be very interesting! I look forward to mind opening experience afterall she says that the technique is 92% accurate; very impressive.

Naomi Tickle event poster

Download printable in PDF

See you there? Should be very interesting.

NLP and Life coach meeting in Taunton

I met with some Life Coaches and NLP ers in Taunton recently, a very interesting bunch of people to be sure and with very different backgrounds to my own, which makes for more interesting conversations. It was intriguing to hear about the different areas that they each work in and the customer niches they have defined for their work.

We had a talk by a local Life Coach, Becky Wright who runs New Leaf Personal Development. She talked about some of the steps she had taken to to build her business since its inception in 1992.

The biggest take away was to employ a graphic designer to get your marketing materials looking good if you want to be taken seriously. And whilst printing in your office with a desk top printer may be a useful way to start it does not compare to the quality of material that a printer can produce for you.

The desire for consistency and how to use it

The desire to maintain a consistent approach to our life is a powerful driver of personal actions. Once we take a decision, we will put in place all kinds of strategies to make that choice work for us rather than appear inconsistent to others.

This desire to maintain a consistent approach starts early in life, think about the negative ways we have of talking about people who do not adopt this consistency. We describe people as "a bit flaky", "a day dreamer", "a drifter" we might say "I wish he'd just make his mind up!”.

A consistent approach gives us a sense of certainty in an uncertain world.

So how could we use this desire to be consistent to our advantage?

Well let's think about two things that lots of people would like to change about themselves; losing weight and becoming a non-smoker. Writing your goal down is the first thing to be done, that will generate the desire for internal consistency. But then, use the power of your relationships with others to hold yourself to the goal.

Get some blank business cards and on each one right down something similar to "I promise by the end of 2010 I will weigh xx pounds / xx kilograms".

Or if you are a smoker and would like to be a non-smoker write down "As of 30th March 2010 I have committed to being a non-smoker and staying a non-smoker for the rest of my life."

Now give these cards to people you know, trust and respect and who respect you. That might be your spouse, your parent, your child a trusted work colleague or a good friend.

Your internal need to be consistent to those around you will keep you on your chosen path. The loss of face and personal shame that would result in backsliding on the commitment will drive you towards your chosen goal.

Will it be easier? Probably not.

Will you be more likely to achieve that goal? Almost certainly.

Is it time to nip down to the office supply store for your blank business cards?

Smokers, excuses and waiting and waiting and waiting

Why do smokers do it?

Why do they make the phone call to a hypnotherapist and say “You’re my last hope”, no pressure then…

Often a long phone call follows as they satisfy themselves that you do know what the hell you’re talking about and a booking is made for some mutually suitable date in the diary.

Then, as in a recent case with me, the following happens:

1) You get ready with your kit for the session, in my case, books, CDs and similar

2) You arrive at the clinic in good time and prepare the room (I work from a health centre)

3) You’re ready but you check your notes that were taken on the phone and…

4) You wait

5) And you wait

6) And you decide to call the client

“Hi xxx” I say “did you remember that we have a quit smoking session booked for today?”

Client: “Oh yea”

Me: “Is there a problem, do you need directions? (It’s a call to a mobile)

Client: “Uh no, I wont be coming, I’m just back from hospital” (Blatant grasp for sympathy)

Me:”Oh, dear, what’s happened?” (I’m going for concern but my excuseometer detector is off the dial)

Client “It’s me boy in’it. He’s got bronchitis, had an attack and we had to take him in” (It’s not my fault I’m not there and you can’t argue with this one mate)

Me: “Right…so you won’t be in today. Would you like to rebook for next week” (I know she is never going to re-book)

Client: “Yea, yea, I’ll give you a call next week”

Me: “OK bye”

If what she said was true has she ever considered just why her boy might have bronchitis? Could smoking in the home and car have something to do with it?

Some people are just so challenged by making a change that staying in the same place is the only option they feel they have. Of course it’s not always great being where they are but still the thought of change scares them so much they are paralysed by inaction and go back to watching the master hypnotist in the corner of the room. (The TV)

This clinic scene has been played out enough times now that I’m bored with it. It costs me time and money and the ‘would be’ client is still puffing away like there is no tomorrow; which for them may be true.

So recognising that you can lead the client to change but you can make them do it, I have changed.

I did think about not doing quit smoking work any more but in the end came up with the idea of getting folks to pay fully in advance. It builds motivation in the client and it means that I’m not out of pocket if they don’t show.

Does that sound harsh? Perhaps, but for me to continue doing this work, first of all, I as a therapist have to survive. Having other people waste my time and money makes that all the more difficult.

By the way any smokers that do actually want to stop and stay stopped can contact me. The cost for the work is £195 for a two session package. If you want to book, expect to get your credit or debit card out whilst on the phone……….you know why.

Simplify, simplify simplify

My old boss (now dead sadly) was a right bugger to work for. His attention to details clashed with my rather more relaxed approach. There were often fireworks, his attention to details sometimes seemed obsessive and he still managed to get things wrong.

But I did learn a lot from him, most of it good.

He wrote software code in the C language. As any software people out there will know, it is possible to write messy and complex C. This style of code is frequently filled with hard to track down bugs.

His mantra was; simplify, simplify, simplify. Use simple constructs, think about what you want and test as you go.

It worked for his software and I think it can work more generally in life too. So now I am on a mission to simplify the complexities of my own life. I aim to streamline what I do and how I do it.

The aim is to be both more creative and more productive; with the level of complication that we have in life today it's almost a miracle that anything gets achieved.

This is likely to be a task that is ironically far from simple. I expect it to be a process that happens over a year or more but I'll highlight the more interesting bits on this very blog.

How much more more creative and productive could you be if you simplified your life?

Busy life working what about play?

A busy time in my family life means that posting here has been rather reduced. However whilst contemplating how things were last night I realised that the modern notion of "work/life balance" was completely wrong.

If you enjoy working it's not the negative that it is often supposed to be. So my perspective is that we should have a better work/play balance.

In that equation I'm doing too much working and not enough playing. How about you?